Gennaro, your comment about how your projector brother was less trouble for your morn was right on for me. My mom said that as a baby she could leave me alone and I was was fine while she always had to keep an eye on my sister - a splenic generator.

It seams that I never really had much of a glimpse of my true nature until the last year and a half. Up until then I was always feeling that I was trying to please other people rather than myself. After I started having difficulty staying asleep at night (when I was still married), I wound up delusional for a while and was booted out of the house when I went in to the hospital. Then followed a period of depression and thinking there was something seriously wrong with me. Eventually, with a medication change I came out of the depression and started living on my own. I had been seeing my wife still for a while but then she went through a crisis with a throat tumor and asked me not to phone her. I kept myself busy with routine and a bit of learning how to program in a couple of new languages.

Then I was asked to make some changes to some software I had previously worked on and I went to work. It was the first time I ever felt that I was truly wanted and appreciated for my abilities. Initially I worked in my own office and got into a regular work routine. Then I was asked to share my office with a new coworker. After several months, begining in the spring of 2003, I started to undergo a major change in behavior - I essentially went on a bit of a shopping spree and started to succeed in adapting some of what I bought to to suit me better. I bought different clothes than I had been wearing. Not radically different but I basically stopped wearing the shirts that other people had given me. Some people who had known me for quite some time noticed the changes and commented on them. I was aware of the changes but thought that I might be finally starting to see the real me rather than the me that I thought other people wanted me to be.

Sometime last fall I happened upon a link on an I Ching site that talked about Human Design. I got a free chart and started to look at it and wonder what it all meant. Eventually I discovered the site I had visited was an offshoot of the main Human Design sites and started to look more into what Human Design was saying about me. The part of a theme of bitterness didn't hit home at first but the lack of recognition of the real me by others hit true. Also, I was at a point where I had experienced being invited to work somewhere as well as being invited into a friendship so I was very easily 'sold' on Human Design and started to tell people about it and find out the designs of my coworkers.

With Human Design and the little bit I have learned about the mechanics of the maya, I now am much more relaxed about my life. Human Design has been able to explain what worked and what didn't work in my life and why, after about 3 or 4 years after my invitation to work, I seemed to change so much in the past year and a half. It has enabled me to see just how much I get conditioned by anyone I spend significant amounts of time around.

Thanks for the forum and opportunity to give my 'testimonial'.