"This is some fun, huh Bambi?"

Seven undefined centers - no wonder I never really knew who I was really. Always trying to be what everyone else wanted me to be but being conditioned to amplify their definitions back to them...

Root center: am I still trying to be free of the pressure? What pressures am I wanting to free myself from? I want to be free of the pressure to do my homework :? I want to get 2 of my projects for work done - but I am am not giving in to it since there is already another potential project coming up that would be WAY bigger. I also have ten or twenty things that I personally want to do. Again I am not giving in to the panic I was feeling a couple of weeks ago. Instead, I am still going to go out and enjoy the sun today and I will work on the other things when I get to them.

Heart/ Ego center: what am I still trying to prove? That I am a GREAT student 8) I am still trying to prove to myself that I am worth my hourly rate - and that what I say can be of great value to others (while discovering that I need to hear myself say some of the things that I say).

G center: Am I still looking love and direction in my life? I have a couple of close friends and a couple of good coworker relationships that are surprisingly satisfying right now. I am still interested in having more friends but have seen how much time it can take so I am pretty relaxed about letting others make the first more. I tried giving a couple of coworkers an invitation of sorts but it was only an experiment and served to reinforce my other experiences.

Sacral center: Do I know when enough is enough? Only occasionally. With the work I do, I typically only work for an hour or two at a time. Otherwise I am reading about Human Design or out at a cafe or out walking in a natural park. I still find it hard to say no to getting together with friends even when I know I need to relax and stick to my routine so I can get to bed and sleep decently. Enough for now :!:

Howdy, Craig!

I've remembered how Beemala described my (our) profile giving me the reading.
I remember perfectly well what tension appeared inside when she was telling about the third term. She said that I shall meet with all the pain, with all the challenges of my life before thirty again. She said that people who come down from the roof are very vulnerable. In some sense they are like the teenagers while they enter the Big World.

But. They come into the new period of their life with the wisdom they have gained while they were sitting on the roof. When they were in their retreat they were curing their wounds and reflecting on their previous experiences and watching and collecting other people experiences for to find what works in this life.
And Beemala also said that with this wisdom I (like all the people with the 6th line in profile) could be a creative role model for people around and in the first place for my friends and those who are close to me (this is my 4th line character).
It doesn't mean that I should become a teacher or a guru but it means that the models of my behaviour, models of accepting the things, how I deal with people in extreme and everyday situations, in the whole how I move along the life could be the example to follow.
First I thought: "Oh, my! Again unrequited love, again incurable disease, again being apart from beloved, again misunderstanding and all this damned stuff!"
Then I became conscious of the deep feeling inside that this perspective seems attractive to me! I mean the opportunity to become a role model; not a teacher but live example. I was not even afraid of hard work for years because this picture resonates to my deep deep drive for perfection.

So strenuous times are inevitable but we have an opportunity to live them out bringing into life the new quality. (However this future quality is a capacity of our unconscious part but we are the whole, aren't we?)

Later I also recognised about my profile that my job, my way is being the model of friendliness. And I designed to use this gift of friendliness for externalise my foundations, my truth. In other words my patterns of the behaviour and my dealing with the things could be accepted by the people around, could be consider as the model just because of my friendliness.

It is meant for sure that I live out my strategy and follow my authority.
Otherwise all this wonderful perspective is simply impossible.

Be lucky exploring your uniqueness.
Eaya.

Howdy Eaya,

:) Thanks for your appreciation of my posts. Your comments are very heartwarming. For so much of my life I was never encouraged to talk or to write (not invited to share my thoughts :cry: being surrounded by undefined throat creatures) and so I always got the impression that I had poor social skills. Especially as I would try to join in with others and encounter rejection when not invited. Those rare situations where I was actually invited stand out in my memory like diamonds.

Your questions about being dependant on other peoples' energy is very interesting. Since I have become aware of my sensitivity to other people's energy, I have altered my lifestyle. In the metamorphosis topic, I remember reading how some see the de-conditioning as being marked from the time of a Human Design reading and others noting how we are continually being de-conditioned and re-conditioned and that some are drawn into their strategies unconsciously. I lean towards the latter view. This is what my experience points to from my own perspective and from a few people whom I've met and talked to.

I am in a sense like a newborn baby. I am just in the early stages of learning what it means to be a mental Projector with no defined motors. I definitely have less of an inclination now to try to keep busy and get things accomplished. It is definitely a new way of being for me. I have spent a lot more time by myself since the last spring. I have been out in the natural areas as much as possible, watching the seasons change and the wild creatures living in tune with nature.

I do spend time in public places like cafe's and the office but not usually for too long at a time - at the most a couple of hours. Also if I get disturbed in some sense at a cafe, I may wind up regretting it. I can walk for a few hours in a park but this is a great contrast to the running I did on a daily basis in my former life. I used to go hang around crowds at festivals and such, riding that high in the emotional wave of everyone. I am not inclined to be so 'promiscuous' these days. Also I am sometimes feeling the seasons within we more strongly - such as late in August when I was wanting to work more when the sun & earth were in gates 40-37.

I can't identify too much of a difference in terms of before and after my Saturn return, going 'on the roof'. I met the woman I married when I was 24 and was married when I was 26. The only shift that I can particularly identify is where I abandoned the idea of attempting to climb the ladder and become a manager. I was 30 at the time and had been 'promoted' to a supervisory position (that still expected me to work hard in addition to keeping my staff on the right track). I eventually left, thoroughly disillusioned with being a manager as I felt that I never received any support (! recognition!) for what I was doing. In hindsight, I was never even invited to apply for the position so it was no wonder I didn't get the support I desired.

I would have to say right now that I am only now getting the rest, recovery and recuperation that many find in the middle phase. The delusion and subsequent depression I experienced make more sense in light of Human Design and probably were due to still living incorrectly during the middle phase. My deep suspicion is that the breakdown was largely because I was not sleeping alone and so was taking on too much of the root and solar plexus conditioning from my wife.

I am a bit dismayed that my roof phase is coming to an end so soon for me, having only found out about Human Design so recently. Also I find some comments that Gennaro has made about the coming off the roof transition bit frightening. 'If they survive it' and 'usually with a bit of drama' serve to sober me up with regards to learning how to live correctly. In my reading, Ed was quite a bit gentler, just cautioning me that the next few years could be a bit rocky.

I'll continue a bit later.

Head center: Am I still trying to answer other people's questions? Only occasionally now. Back over the past few mouths, there were a few times when I went off looking in stores for something someone else hadn't been able to find or did some internet surfing for info that was something someone had asked about but wasn't really wanting any further action. I have practically never had any questions at the end of a lecture or class. Unless I have questions to ask someone initially, whenever someone says "Are there any questions?" I just sit there and shake my head. Also I haven't had any major relationships with any people that had defined head centers until recently. A couple of times I wound up continuing the conversation in my head hours after talking with them.

Solar Plexus center: Am I still avoiding truth and confrontation? Here is one of my big ones. At the moment, I don't have much to do with very many emotionally defined people. Back in March, the last time that I had any significant conversation with my emotionally defined ex-wife, I had prepared myself ahead of time and when she started to accuse me of hurting her (emotionally) I actually managed to confront her and pointed out that what she felt was not my fault. She did get the point to some degree. So far I have yet to confront my mom. I generally just talk to her on the phone and still avoid "rocking the boat". Back over the past 3 weeks I have felt a very strong "ache/pain" in the solar plexus region a couple of times that I can only suspect were due to some cellular memory being 'released' as I was alone for a long time before and during the time the feelings surfaced.

Splenic center: And finally my biggest not self area. Am I still holding on to things that aren't healthy for me? I still have hopes/wishes for getting back together with my ex wife and for having a good relationship with my mom in spite of how I can feel that being with them is no longer healthy for me. I still have various pieces of furniture and sports equipment that I know I need to get rid of but haven't quite found the right way to do it yet. It seems to have something to do with being a 4/6 projector that I can't just go out and give or sell them to a stranger. When I tried to to that, I felt really strange and when my landlord offered to buy my golf clubs everything felt and went 'right'. When I sold my massage table it was through my massage therapist and it turned out I had been in a class with the massage therapist who bought my table.