Wow thanks to everyone who visits my blog. I do take long periods between blogging, that's because I wait to have something to say. For some time now I've been waiting to write about how wonderful it really is to respond as a generator and learn about oneself. It has only been a month after my third year of going through my process of living out my design. I understand there is much I will continue to learn about myself. It has only been recently that as a 4/1 through response that I've learned simple things about my vehicle. What to eat for example. I was a vegetarian for years, now I mainly eat carbs and my veggie servings have been reduced to the lettuce and tomatoes found in my sandwiches. I had problems with my stomach (my undefined 40th gate), just about everything advertised in commercials that can be "managed" with prescriptions or over the counter stuff, not only was I being conditioned incorrectly but there were things I'm not designed to consume like orange juice, soda and some fried stuff. I'm sure these are okay for some people but not me. I also have problems with my tonsils, my whole life I've had recurrent infections and other disgusting things occuring in my throat. Out of fear I would not look into this. My mind was convinced I had some kind of genetic defect which would not be understood by doctors. It was just four days ago that I just felt like investigating this online and learned about it and what options are out there for me just to respond to. I have a first color under my first line on my design. This is part of what determines our physical well being. I was insecure on this matter as my not-self. I don't know if fear applies to the design when it comes to color as it does the personality but in many ways I would say I was crippled or frozen instead of finding a way to feel safe and secure in my body. When in design someone say life is here to support us, they mean it. Its true, in no way would my sacral respond to what I'm not really here to be or do. It is that simple.

There have been so many wonderful changes in my life, primarily the cast of friends I have at this time. I'm only talking about the ones who are following their strategy. I do know people who are not and their nice but there is no way to get close to them because they are not correct. I have a two good friends who find themselves in relationship with guys who are in not following their strategy. It is hard on them, one of them said "I'm probably not going to marry him because he's a slave". This coming from someone who has only been following her strategy for a few months and is not studying HD. I am always in awe when I hear someone talk right out of there design or say something profoundly wise through an open center. There is so much I have not told her, she only knows a bit about her profile, to respond and about waiting out her wave. But there she is little by little exposing the inner potential that was caked over with conditioning all these years. Sometimes I feel as is my first infatuation is Design, Music my second.

So far I have had some really amazing things occuring this year. I'm no analyst yet I have shared human design with friends through response. I have a good friend, Nicole, who has been following her sacral and waiting her wave for a few months now. I only shared with her what was most important her responses, her wave and what she's been after (not-self) and she's not. I only get incredible stories from her, I can hear when she's talking out of herself and not her open centers. She has a long way but she's already on that road and understands clearly that her sacral rules. I've seen her let go of people that are not healthy for her (she has an open spleen). I call her the splenic sampler, she says she can't hang out with the same person for too long, she'll rotate her friends but I'm one of the only people she doesn't mind hanging out with. I feel great hearing this, I feel like I'm giving out a cleaner energy than most so I am healthy for her to be around sometimes. Ah I do have an ego sometimes it gets big :wink:

I still work with that boy I still attracted to, he does not know. But this is not about him it's about me, I go through an incredible range of emotions when it comes to him. There are days when I really love talking to him and there are days when agh, I've nothing to say. But underneath I really like him. He's a manifestor, he's amazing. They get it so fast when their meant to wake up. I have the gate of beginnings so for a few months I prepped him on what human design reveals and how that is applied to one's life. Like everything in life its all about waiting, so finally my manifestor friend and roomy was able to inform my co-worker what informing is and why its important to do so. Wow, I get informed at work, I love it. He too has been telling me what the impact is when he informs especially with his friends and family.

And I would like to share what an amazing experience it was when Mary Anne Winiger gave a class in New York for Generators. I did not attend but I did go to see off one of our friends, and greeted Mary Anne, Tony and I met her in a mall near where she's staying. We spent a few hours talking and sharing our experiences. Wow, she's the first person I've been in the aura who is living their design as a Generator, not just living it but she's past her deconditioning cycle. It was like another world talking to her, at one point her husband showed up to meet her. Now there were two generators humming not just my own. Its only been recently that I've been hanging out with Nicole, my Generator friend whom I mentioned earlier. It gets harder to listen to not-selves, did I say harder I don't do it most of the time at all. I may be a social being but I'm really not interested in bullshiting anymore. There are people I work with that I may like them as people but what they say is 100% unoriginal dished out and served as if it were their own. I tried for a time to be nice, but I'm begining to feel that it really is okay to get upset with people as long as I understand they don't have a choice and blow up at them. My rage is not a permanent state anymore. I've become a much quieter Rosie.

I feel free, for now. I'm no longer infatuated with the boy I mentioned previously, I do not know if it will come back, but I am now absorbed with a rock band my friend introduced me to , The Strokes. I can't get enough of listening to them, so far there is only one song I don't like. I've even been watching their videos online, over and over. This is a great time for me (I must be high on my wave for now). My birthday is coming up on the 11th. I feel as if I only need some food, a job I love to use up my energy and music to live.

I still like this boy, but not in an overwhelming emotional way. I can actually talk to him now. I still find myself looking at him a certain way and wondering what his hands feel like. Now I may befriend him, I'll see how I respond to life. Its times like these that I wonder how will my cross play out in my life after my seven years.

I'm not sure what I'm about to blog about, I know I've been very busy processing many things, mostly the boy I mentioned. This whole infatuation thing can be very taxing. I'm getting tired, it feels more like as a generator I'm here to wait and when it comes to guys I probably wait for rejection, and seeing that just about everyone out there is a not-self I'm also waiting for non-acceptance. I admit I'm writing on a low end of my wave :cry: . I understand I've yet to form any clarity on this, I feel at war with myself somehow. My birthday is coming up in about three weeks, soon after I enter into my full third year of my deconditioning process. I'm having a hard time lately trying not to control my feelings. I've been sick lately too, I suspect that's the reason. Years ago I used to have stomach problems, I'm a 37 and not a 40. But I've noticed when I try to curb my emotions I get sick. I've been nauseous for days now and can't keep anything except bread sticks and plain pasta in. It's not so much that I've been trying to change how I feel only but I've been trying to hide. I work with this person, I have been trying so hard to keep away from him when what I really want to do is be near him, listen to him, take mental pictures of him (as my 47th gate does when active, I have an open ajna) I even know how he smells, I could not believe how much better I felt when I smelled him. I feel like such an animal, strangely a romantic one. I'm guessing these look like the rantings of an emotional generator, but this has helped me just writing it, its almost therapeutic. Thanks for taking time out to read my stuff.

Having the 22nd Gate as my Personality Sun means I get infatuated. Infatuation is acoustic, I'll fall for someone if I love their voice or what they say. It has only been recently that I've learned how much I love compliments. As my not-self I didn't get many, I was seen more as a disgrace than full of grace. Combined with my profile I had a very hard time in life. I could really be broken, I nearly was by an ex-boyfriend. Lately I've been listening to "Free Bird" by Lynard Skynard over and over. Listening to this makes me want to scream " ...and this bird you can not change". I remember what breaking was like. I was in a state of deep depression and took on three jobs to be super buissy with anything just so I would not have time to think. I cracked, that's when I received the help I needed. I'm an 18.5, I got my Therapy. It is almost as if listening to this song now is helping me to clear out some residue left over in my emotional parts. I don't know how that works I'm a split defenition, my Spleen/Root is cut off from my Sacral, G-Center, Throat, Heart, and Solar Plex. Its as if my Spleen/Root got taken cared of right away. And now my emotions are still sorting things out and healing years later through my deconditioning process.

I've been alternating between songs. The other one is "Insight" by Depeche Mode. It's the light when "Free Bird" is the dark. None better than the other but reflections of my current perceptions. This song brings up all these terrific feelings of a bright future as myself,

Here are the lyrics to:
Insight

This is an insight
Into my life
This is a strange flight
I’m taking
My true will
Carries me along

This is a soul dance
Embracing me
This is the first chance
To put things right
Moving on
Guided by the light

And the spirit of love
Is rising within me
Talking to you now
Telling me clearly
The fire still burns

Wisdom of ages
Rush over me
Heighten my senses
Enlighten me
Lead me on
Eternally

And the spirit of love
Is rising within me
Talking to you now
Telling me clearly
The fire still burns

I’m talking to you now
The fire still burns
Whatever you do now
The world still turns

There is such beauty to life, these are songs I was introduced to by friends and responded to.

:o Hooray, it's finally here. I am grateful for it, I keep feeling as if there is Sunshine inside me, some sort of tremble of joy that has yet to reach the surface. It might just be some emotional wave thing, but never the less the New Rave Year is finally here. The last few days of the old one were interesting for me. When the sun and earth were in the fourth line of the last hexagram, I received many unexpected friendly surprises. Friends which I have not seen in a long time and new ones I did not expect to see came around. The next day a fifth line day, I kept receiving unwanted advances from strangers (yucky, these people were probably running around incorrectly on the seduction of the day), I even got followed home, I was so scared for my person (I'm a 1 in design profile and color). I let my body guide me completely as to where to go and what to do, I lost that perv. There were still a few pervs on the street at night trying to talk to me. Scary stuff. Prior to going home from work my friend shows up and invites me to smoke pot with her, I was nervous so I said no. If I did not have my strategy and said yes with my mind I would not have been able to clearly keep myself safe. As soon as I got home I checked the motivating color of the Sun, thankfully it was a 6, which is what my personality sun/earth is. I was comforted by this. And finally on the last day of the rave new year, a sixth line day, Things calmed down, and I learned new things (secrets) about people I've known for a while that were somewhat shocking.

There seem to be lots of fours, ones and threes in the New Years imprint. I'm not under any illusions (that I'm aware of) about it being good or bad, but I can see that where I live things are changing, slowly but I can see and feel it. There is a bit more crime sprinkled here and there, less security (cops). I can easily imagine a world without the support and order that is now loosening in our world.

I could not feel more helpless to the forces of life than I do now. In a previous blog I said I would not make any major choices during this time (meaning the three month period before my birthday). Apparently major choices are very mundane for me. I've made several purchases online during this time, nothing unusual for me. All have gone wrong in some way. I don't seem to be able to stop myself from making mistakes, I'm sure there's something to learn, I may not see clear until after my b-day.

:oops: As if this were not enough, I find myself increasingly attracted to someone I don't particularly like much at this time. What my body feels in close proximity to this person is not what my personality agrees to. My emotions become a tightened coil of turmoil when my mind tries so hard to control my emotions, it makes me sick. It's like some tug of war where on one side my mind comes up with reasons for hardening my affections and bottling them, on the other side my whole being wants to just feel, and be. So simple, yet hard. I just have to wait and see. I don't mean see if my affections are returned, just see what my wave takes in. Those pictures Ra is always talking about us emotional people are always taking in.

Emotional intelligence is just clarity.

It was really nice to hear Ra the other day talk about how the Rave New Year starts on the 22nd of January. It has been a week of seeing how incredible the world is at not getting things correct as the not-self. Maybe I'm doing some not-self bashing, I find it so hard not too sometimes, I work with the public. My perspective is so shaped by seeing and hearing what is out there for me. My south nodes (what is active in me at this time) are the Grinch 16.5 5th Color in my Design and Realism 20.5 1st Color Personality.

I've been waiting for a while before blogging again, the holidays where very different this year than any before. I work in retail and this year I had a strategy within a strategy for keeping myself composed and NOT losing my Grace. What I mean by strategy is through response I opted to not help some customers when they "demanded assistance". Never ever would I have imagined in probably any lifetime not being a good slave and saying no. My response was of course accepted because I would trick them (I'm a 26.4) by saying "I'm unable to help you at this time, I'm assisting someone else" and either walk away or direct them to where they might find help. I'm so proud of myself, phones of course were ringing like emergencies waiting for aid, I had a great way of dealing with them. I would answer if I was in the mood, place the person on hold by letting them know I was going to find a computer to do their search, then I would take my time. Now by "time" I mean a few minutes of peace, standing about watching folks trying to buy things for relatives and loved ones who don't know what they themselves really like. Then when ready I would help, truly I've begun to understand sometime much earlier in the year how valuable my time and energy is and how never to give it up lightly. :wink: The world is full of time wasters waiting to use up your time, without properly responding I would never know how to properly use mine.

[color=olive]Today I feel like writing about my two good friends Tony and Daisy. It goes beyond saying how incredibly lucky we are . Not only do we get to wake up. But we have each other to help one another through our process. I'm a manifesting Generator, they are siblings and are both Manifestors. Although I would like to really know what it would be like to be good friends with another Generator who's following their strategy it's been a big help to have the two I do have. As a mg all I was interested in as my not self was manifesting, I was able to see very early on how incredibly different I am from my friends. How tired they get, how they lounge like lions, sleep long, and how threatening they can be by not informing even when they mean well. Even how pissed off :x they can get because they do have to inform for everything to go smoothly. Its kind of cute when its not an anger directed at me. :wink:

Daisy and I have talked about how we know we have reincarnated before and imagine how incredibly lucky our crystals are to get this chance (maybe because we both have the 25/51 ?) . Wow, its like some cosmic job we've been given to respond to in this life.

:? It's been a while since I've been on here. It has been an interesting last couple of weeks. I'm not sure why but I've been experiencing strange group stares from strangers of late. I'm just glad that even my incredibly unaware 2/4sie (my pet name for his profile) has noticed. He's a manifestor and this allows him to zip through his learning process quickly, so his belief is that somehow people could tell there is something different about us. It's getting really annoying. At best I'm tolerant, at worst I'll just leave a place from the discomfort. I'm three years into my process and if people pick up on changes its got to be auric and deep, particularly for generators it would seem. In just a few days I'm going into that three month period of a sort of hibernation. This is probably the first time ever that consciously I'll not make any major decisions for three months before my birthday. It should be interesting.

:roll: A new day. Today I'll say a bit about myself. I'm an emotional manifesting generator 4/1. I'm fast approaching my third year. Ooh :shock: I'm really looking forward to that critical mass point, I'm guessing it will be like a tug of war between my not-self and self. In the end I'll be a winner. I'm not usually this excited but this is fun. Being emotional for me has been quite something while deconditioning, there are days i'm pissed off (I'm a 12/22) at the Fates for letting me in on this wonderful knowing because I still work and have to deal with the world. I'm in sales, there are days when I mutter fucking not-selves, but that was all I was. Wow, I see my old self around me all the time, its like a never ending classroom (the world). In a way I even get to observe myself, I can even hear when I'm properly motivated, that to me is incredible. Its been a short time and I'm not fully self, I'm really looking forward to living out my Cross (Jux. Cross of Grace)